The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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