moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
