Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
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