I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
