the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Sober January is a disaster.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
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