He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
