I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
