sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
