My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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