Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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