She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
