it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize