why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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