Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Randomize
