I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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