After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
