I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
