Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize