i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
