and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
