69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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