is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
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