Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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