there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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