drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
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