I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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