Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
