Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Randomize
