So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
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