He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Randomize
