I'm gonna have a badass scar
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
