I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
