I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
