Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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