you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
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