I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
