My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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