So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
