Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
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