The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
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