So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
