one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I love having hate sex.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
