I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
