I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
he had hair everywhere except his balls
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
