I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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