how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
