I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
