This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
