I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
