you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
that's an acceptable place to lick
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
