youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
