There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
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