i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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