awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
