she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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