you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
