he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
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