Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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