Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
