So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Randomize
