OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
