why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
