i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
