Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Randomize
