I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Randomize
