You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
