Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
