He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
