hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
In other news, I just burned my penis
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Randomize
