this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
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