We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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