This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
