Will you blow on my dice?
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I just gargled with NyQuil
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
