WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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