C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
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