I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
why do cheetos always look like penises
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Randomize
