you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Randomize
