How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
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