She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
he had hair everywhere except his balls
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
