At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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