every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
