A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
whose parrot is this?
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
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